Matriculate Her? I Barely Understand Her!
Dated August 5, 2011
Today I learned that Tyra Banks is attending Harvard. I mean, I don’t want to be unkind, I really don’t but, what the fuck Harvard? If Harvard were a friend of mine at this point I’d be showing up at her place with a list of things she has left to live for. I’d be rifling through her medicine cabinets and taking the sharp objects and shoelaces away.
Fun story. An ex of mine once showed up at my place in the middle of the night. She had just come from her most recent ex, whom she had only broken up with days before, and the back seat of her car was filled with all of his steak knives and kitchen utensils and particularly sharp pastas and shit because he was threatening to kill himself. It’s funnier than it sounds. She asked me if I would take them and I told her, “Sure, but I’m just going to give them back to him.” Strangely she didn’t leave them.
A few days later that guy asked her to marry him by writing “Will you marry me” on a tree branch in sharpie and leading her to the tree that held his message. Seriously. That happened.
Anyway. Harvard. She’s actually attending Harvard Business School, which also turned out George W. Bush so I guess their motto is something like, “Fuck it.” at this point. Except it’s probably in Latin.
That’s according to Google Translate. I’m not sure how that shit works, but my guess would be, “badly” since I’m fairly sure “tempus” means, “time.”
But tempus it, right?
Sometimes these things get away from me and there’s really nothing I can do about it.
I’ll tell you this, though. Last time I was at Subway, like, the fast food restaurant, my sandwich artist was a graduate of Harvard. Don’t know what that means but it’s probably something.
Good luck at Harvard, Tyra. Take The Economics of Bat-Shit 101. It’ll be a walk for you.
Fun (ish) Fact of the Day: On average, Harvard accepts only 7.2% of their applicants each year. I’m willing to bet that percentage rises steeply when you have your own long-running reality show. Snooki is gonna love the campus.
Band Name of the Day: Tyra, Tyra Burning Bright
Quote of the Day: “”It doesn’t take a lot to wow them when they have low expectations.” -Tyra Banks