We Haven’t Been Moving In Circles, The Rooms Have

Dated August 13, 2011

Today I learned that A Rubik’s cube has 43,252,003,274,489,856,000 possible configurations.

That’s…ones, tens, hundreds, thousands…carry the illion…over forty-three quintilian combinations.  You could round that number down to forty-three quintilian and you’d be lopping off 252 quadrillion combinations.

If Ernő Rubik had written the Kama Sutra that thing would be the size of the Encyclopedia Britannica (RIP).  And also sex would be much twistier and confusing and most people would never finish unless they peeled off the stickers and cheated.

Moving at a speed of one rotation every second you would need fourteen hundred trillion years to work your way through every combination of the cube.  The big bang was about fourteen billion years ago so…yeah.  It’d be a little while.

Here’s the most amazing thing, though.  The most inspirational, holy-crap-that’s-sweet thing I’ve heard in ages.  Here’s the thing to take with you into every room you ever walk.

You are never more than twenty moves from solving a Rubik’s Cube.

When you’re stuck and twisted beyond recognition and everything, everything, everything seems wholly intractable, when it’s all gone sideways and there are forty quintilian ways for things to go wrong and it seems like you’d need a trillion years to get to good, you are never more than twenty moves from sorting it out.

You are never more than twenty moves from awesome.

And, anyway, it’s just a game.

Metaphor.

BOOM.

*Drops the mic*

Fun (Ish) Fact of the Day To date more than 350 million Rubik’s Cubes have been sold worldwide.  One of those can be found in several shots in my first film, “For Catherine.”  I still haven’t solved the damn thing.  But I’m close.

Band Name of the Day: 20 Moves

Quote of the Day: “We turn the Cube and it twists us.” -Ernő  Rubik

Japan Is Voting For The Turd Sandwich

Dated August 9, 2011

Today I learned that Japanese scientists are out of their damn minds.  If you’ve ever been to Japan or seen an anime or have ever heard of things you probably realize that the fine people of Japan are not the same as other people.  Something goes on on that tiny island that makes these people orderly in a way that makes German’s almost emote, and then make lists of the emotions they almost felt.  The Japanese people are quiet and polite and into western shit in an odd , sometimes bizarrely pastichey way and often brilliant and ahead of the curve.  But if this is the curve coming up I’ma stay on the straightaway I’m pretty sure.

See, the Tokyo Sewage service, which serves over 13 million people, has a problem.  There’s poop everywhere.  Too much poop.  They’re up to their crazy ases in poop.  So they went to a guy named Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory and he decided that the natural thing to do is to make people eat it.

Eat the shit.

This guy, I’m guessing, had a difficult time in High School.

He’s turning it into beef-ish.

First he cooks the human feces to kill the bacteria, then he extracts the poops proteins via separation techniques (that’s what they call it).  Next soy protein is added to, I swear this is what they say, “enhance the flavor.”  Enhance the flavor.  Of the poop.  Enhance it.

The “meat mixture” (that’s a mouth watering term) then makes it’s way to a “reaction enhancer” (a chemical reactor of some sort is all we’re told because at some point even I’ll admit it’s probably best to not know everything) where it turns into a “textured” “meat”

Lastly it is extruded through an “exploder” which is kind of how it made it’s way to the sewers in the first place.  

That’s the circle of life, guys.

Fun (ish) Fact of the Day: The poo meat currently costs between ten and twenty times as much to produce as proper meat.  Let me get my wallet.

Band Name of the Day: Poop Meat

Quote of the Day: “I admit that few people would be keen to eat it knowing its made of human excrement.” -Mitsuyuki Ikeda